There was a time I listened to country music. My wife and I were living in Atlanta. Travis Tritt lived not far from us. I owned cowboy boots and drove a Jeep Wrangler. On my way to work I crossed the Chattahoochee River twice. Country music just seemed right. I loved Garth Brooks and Clint Black.
One afternoon on my way home from work all three of my pre-sets were playing Alabama‘s “Hometown Honeymoon” at the same time. I turned the radio and never looked back (a strange and definitive moment in my lifetime)… never looked back, that is, until this year’s Country Music Awards. It was mesmerizing. That the whole thing was happening less than thirty minutes from my home made it even more cool. Kid Rock performing in his Titans jersey was outstanding. Loved the Reba McIntyre number with Brooks & Dunn—very close to country music royalty. Carrie Underwood, as always, radiated with the brilliance of some angelic being. George Strait reminded me of my days in Atlanta. And an act I’d never heard of, Sugarland, may have been my favorite—wow wow wow what a vocalist—and Keith Urban is perhaps the coolest country singer ever (in a non-country sort of way). The excitement extending into the next day, I decided to make a return to country music although my return was short-lived. What it amounts to is that I just couldn’t do it. And I wish I could, really. The fact is that I have realized that I am lyrically lazy. That is, I don’t want to learn an entire genre of new songs. As Anakin Skywalker said to his son, Luke, “It is too late, for me.” Even so, I might have to buy that Sugarland song and learn it.
To commemorate the occasion and bid a personal and final farewell to country music I wanted to list the top 9 (originally 10) funniest country music titles of all time:
- You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
- Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
- How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away
- I’ve Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin’ Over You
- I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better
- I Want to Check You For Ticks
- Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
- She Got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)
- If the Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me